Making Choices

I have been thinking a lot in the last couple weeks about how I will live my life while I’m here in Idaho.  I have a choice to live either in growing in greater intimacy with Christ, or apathetically, which would result in growing away from him.  This choice has to be made wherever I go/am, but I am just really aware of it now.  I have moved up here, have started something new, and have time on my hands. 

A week ago, I spent 6 hours watching TV in my dorm room, because I didn’t know what to do around town.  Or, to be more honest, I was afraid of going out to do something alone, or that would take a lot of energy.  I am lazy.  I don’t want to be, and there are a number of things to do in the area to keep me fully occupied.  

I could choose to take my free time and delve into prayer and time spent with Jesus.  As much as I know that and so much of me wants that, it is still so hard to make that choice.  Why is that?  Why is the pull of doing nothing stronger than the desire to know Jesus more?  How can that be?  

I come back to James 4:8, though, and remind myself that God promises that when I draw near to Him, He WILL draw near to me.  I don’t have to go the whole way - He meets me when I make the smallest step. That is such a wonderful relief and a great invitation to make a move toward Him.

I know my life and purpose here in Sun Valley is different than most of the people I meet.  The Holy Spirit dwells within me and shines through me all the time, even when I’m not aware, or when I feel I’m failing.  What then would He be able to do through me if I gave more of my time to knowing Him?

I was thinking the other day about what to say when people talk to me about ‘religious’ stuff or about my beliefs.  I don’t like to simply say, “I’m a Christian” because that statement is made by many who don’t know Jesus, and there are tons of people who have been very negatively affected by “Christians.”  Instead, I thought...I will say that I just love and know Jesus, and want to be like Him.  But I realized in a moment of what felt like great revelation that even that’s not the fullest truth.  

The truth that makes the difference in me is that I know that HE loves and knows ME, not the other way around.  I know and love Him a little and I do want to be like Him, but those things only come from knowing that I am loved by Him.  I am one born into sin, a human with no hope of perfection or redemption without Jesus, just like every person every born into this world.  But I have become aware the God loves me, and that I have been made perfect, forgiven of my failings and my sin.  Because of that, I no longer have to live in fear of failing, or of falling short.  I will fail and sin, which unfortunately usually causes pain for me and often times other people, but nevertheless, I am forgiven by the One who is perfect and sinless. 

But back to the thought at the beginning.  What choices will I make over the next few months?  Will I choose to walk in obedience like a free person, or will I make decisions that come from a mindset still stuck in slavery to sin and laziness?  The choice is always looming for me.  One day, I make the good choice, and the next, the other one.  Right now, in this moment, I pray for the strength to make the choice of obedience more often, till it becomes my habit.  I want people to not simply notice that I’m a little different, but I wan them to really see Jesus.

The quotes from Andrew Shearman need to be printed and posted for me to see everyday, as so much of what he says encourages my heart and mind to do what’s right.  I don’t want to waste anymore of my time or life, regardless of where I am or what I am doing.